Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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