I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
