My brain says no but my pants say off.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
