If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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