My cat gives me a boner
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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