i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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