Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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