It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
