1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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