So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
