I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
