I cut my penus on the lid.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
