lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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