Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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