R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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