I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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