I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
