did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
