I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
