why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
