My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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