I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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