all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
