Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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