Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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