Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
