I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
