the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
