I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
