Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
