Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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