All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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