hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
