So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
