would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
