Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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