I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
zippers are such a cool invention
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
did you just send me my own nude
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
