She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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