do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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