I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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