If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
