I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
