Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We need a shit load of segways right now
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
