I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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