Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
