did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
