i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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