Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
