It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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