Got a toothbrush?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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