I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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