at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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