I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
