it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize