I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
