chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
