she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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