All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
