isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
