so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
