I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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