I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
