i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
