I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
