you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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