Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
