Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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