Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
